Friday, October 1, 2010

Flash Back Friday for Luke

October 1, 2009
In my mind I didn't feel like it was time, there were no contractions, no pain, no sense of anything really. Just the simple fact that my outwardly protruding belly kept me from seeing my toes, left a constant ache in my lower back, and threw my equilibrium way off. I had put in the time, I was done, ready for it to be over. Yet I could not shake the gloom of guilt that hung over me for choosing the day my son would enter the world. I had a fear of being induced, even felt like a bad mother for forcing a natural process. I had gone in to labor twice on my own before, I knew my body could do it. Still I agreed to end the pain and discomfort the pregnancy was causing me, praying that my baby would be healthy and strong.
At nine o'clock that morning they started my pitocin. By now my body had started to contract on it's own. They were few and far between and I hardly felt them. With the help of medication they became more frequent but no more painful. At about nine thirtyish the doctor broke my water. Contractions started coming more frequently and with more intensity. I heard a newborn cry from the next room and suddenly I wanted to hold my baby, to hear his cry. I closed my eyes as the contractions began coming much quicker and were now becoming painful. I breathed, I focused, I continued to tell myself I could do this. The nurse began preparing the room and informed the doctor that I was having a baby very soon. My husband paced, talked softly, and would gently move my hair from my face between contractions. Then I hit that place were I think I can not bear it for another minute. I looked at the nurse begging her to tell me there was still time for an epidural even though I knew that window had long since been closed. I asked anyway and as I did the doctor came in. It was time. On October 1st 2009 at 11:05 am Luke was born into our family. I had known he was coming for so long and he was finally here. Mine forever.
Happy Birthday Luke.